Monday, February 28, 2011

Text vs. Call vs. In-Person

My ex-boyfriend asked me out for dinner for the first time through a text.  In fact, every guy I've dated (with one exception and it was still 4 years ago) since 2004 has asked me out through text…or AIM.  Same thing, right?  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said I wished I was 5 years older so I would be in the generation where a guy at the very least called a girl to ask her out.  Then a co-worker of mine, who happens to be 32, was asked out (by a high school ex) through Facebook chat, and I thought to myself, really?

I was 12 when we got dial-up and AIM became the biggest thing since sliced bread, 13 when I started using my mom’s cell phone, 16 when I was one of the first of my friends to get my own and a freshman in college when Facebook started to sweep through all major colleges back in 2004.  My dad asked my mom out in person; my older sister was asked out in person and countless times over the phone.  I can’t even remember the last time I guy called me just to talk, including my ex boyfriends.  I will not say that it is unfair that my generation is the one leading the new technology wave; what I will say is that it makes it a whole lot easier for the guys out there to ask us out, and yet they still can’t do it.

Guys, if you want to ask a girl out, ASK HER OUT.  I am not shy with guys (especially after a few drinks).  If I like you, I’ll probably tell you, so I don’t want the “it’s hard” excuse.  Have you ever, soberly, asked a girl out and she rejected you (post high school)?  If so, I’m sure it sucked and my condolences are with you, but I do not know a single girl who has ever, or (so they say) would ever, reject a guy if he asked her out on a date face-to-face.  Why?  Because we’re just as nervous to get asked out as you are to ask us and saying no is just as hard as saying, “Do you want to go out for dinner with me sometime?”  Believe me.  I’m a horrible liar.  In fact, I’ll probably tell a guy I’m a lesbian before I tell them I have a boyfriend (when I don’t) because I just don’t know what to say.  So I’ll probably say yes and who knows?  Maybe it’ll end up being a good time.  This is not to say I’ve never rejected a guy.  I have.  But it was probably because they put their hands on my ass before speaking to my face.

So it’s 2011.  No one asks anyone out in person, especially not since Match.com and OkCupid.  Here is my biggest qualm about technological forms of communication…if you’re going to skip the in-person or the phone call and ask a girl out through text, email, BBM, Facebook chat, gchat, AIM, Tweet or any other means, then actually ASK the girl out for a specific outing on a specific date.  If she can’t do that day, suggest another.  If she says no again, let her suggest a day or move on.

The first guy to ask me out after my ex and I broke up was someone I met at a work event.  He was not my type at all, but still kinda cute and definitely smart, so I figured I’d give him a shot after he asked me for my card.  How professional.  He emailed me later that night and asked if I’d like to grab coffee sometime.  I said I would.  He then replied, “Okay, great, let me know when you want to get coffee.”  Did he think his job was done?  If so, he was wrong.  At least with me.  I am going to be old fashioned in this sense and I think a lot of girls will agree.  The guy IS asking me out.  I am not asking you out and that includes me telling you when to take me out.  Needless to say (I think), he and I never went out.  What we did do was email back and forth for the next several months without ever going on a date.  Way to go dude.

I would not rant about this if it did not happen about five times since then.  The most recent guy that did it to me would constantly text me “when are we hanging out?” “when are we gonna see each other?” “let me know when you want to go out” to which I would reply “you let me know.”  Weeks got us nowhere.  Finally, a bad mood forced me to tell him how to go about it.  In probably a three-page text (maybe not my finest hour?) I told him (in not so few words) that I do not find it cute to play these coy games and if he wants to ask me out, then he can ask me out for a specific time and day and a specific outing.  I didn’t care if I offended him.  At this point I didn’t even want to go out with the kid anymore.  He was offended, caught off guard and probably a little angry, but he seemed to not care so much that he didn’t want to text me anymore.  He told me he had a busy week and would text me next week to set something up.  Two weeks go by and I get a text one day, “So let me know when you want to hang out.”  That was the end of that.

Moral of the story: the last guy I actually dated texted me and asked me if I wanted to get dinner that upcoming Thursday night.

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